Time to go
So I have talked, a lot, about how I haven’t been that happy with my life in a lot of regards. Lots and lots of introspection happened really throughout the later part of November and the beginning of December and I started coming to some realizations. Really a lot of stupid basic things that I have known on one level or another for a long time but didn’t want to admit to myself because it would force me to confront that I was stagnating.
I had a rather negative experience, that’s what started everything. The exact circumstances aren’t that interesting if you aren’t involved directly beyond the fact that they sucked. But it has forced me to accept that I was stagnating and that I was …. not doing things that make me happy. I was comfortable which is another way of saying that I had accepted where I was and wasn’t working to change anything. That negative experience made me start thinking about what does matter to me and what is important. What would make me uncomfortable but also happy. Or if not happy at least interested again.
To that end I have started doing shit that I hadn’t been doing. For example…. In 2014 I am going skydiving. I don’t mean that in the sense that I am saying I am going skydiving and am not doing it. This jump is already paid for (I need to figure out how to redeem it but that’s a different problem). Nervous as hell about the idea of doing it? Yes. Doing a tandem jump because its safe and easy and I can just do it? Yes. Actually doing it? …. Yes. I am also basically sold on the prospect of going to Oktoberfest this year. In Munich. Don’t know a person there or anything but hey, it would be fun, its something I want to do and I have the money. More importantly its something I have wanted to do and for a variety of reasons I have avoided doing. So I am stepping out of the comfort zone and going there with a layover in Iceland on the way back for a few days. Who knows, maybe I will even wear lederhosen (which are stupid expensive I might add).
There are job interviews going on and the plan is still to buy a condo (Or something? Probably condo) this year and so forth. Non of that is changing… in fact its probably more intense now than it was when I was miserable and just wanted to walk away from everything. Instead though I am approaching stuff with a new sense of intentionality. If I want it than the question becomes how to get it.
I waited until the busy season at that job that I don’t care for was over before I wrote any of this. Its easy as hell to say these things and then start getting sucked into that comfort matrix again. Hell, it has happened to me a few times now, so I know how easy it is. And there is also a sense of accomplishment you get when you say that you are going to do something. I know that thing is real because I have been there. More than once in fact… but that’s the past, live and learn, just make sure you actually do.
I am also working on one or two other projects…. completely unrelated to idoru besides the fact that they are on the interwebs (or will be, someday soonish). One is about beer and the other is about both forcing and allowing myself to be creative and allowing myself to suck at it. Hopefully that will accomplish a threefold goal: 1)Get me out of the house and into new things/places 2)help me break my perfectionist streak 3) let me be creative again in any capacity. Its not ready for unveiling but the tentative name is 8feet. Expect an announcement on that at some point.
In more mundane news…. I am no longer working 60 hours a week minimum. I am back to enjoying some good beer here and there. I am playing a bit of video games but not as much as I might have guessed. I am reading and trying to read regularly again. I am back at the gym and despite how much it kind of sucks…. I also love it. I have had a few job interviews and am applying to more jobs. I am working my way out of comfort and towards where I want to be while enjoying it as I go.
Oh and that negative situation? We are working things out. Its taking work but we are. And I suppose that’s kinda the point. It takes work but it can be worth it if its something you want.
